Often times I wonder what it’s like to have been married to one of the greatest (if not the greatest) rock icons in history, Kurt Cobain.

As I was surfing the net, I came across a write-up on Courtney Love performing Radiohead’s Creep in an intimate party thrown by producer Linda Perry at Los Angeles’ No Name Club last night. The party was in celebration of Perry’s collaboration with Mylie Cyrus Hands Of Love which was teamed up for the film Freeheld. But the gist here is not Perry nor Cyrus nor the song’s contention for a 2016 Academy Award; instead, it’s what Love’s feelings have been towards the love of her life!

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I’m a total lover and groupie of rock stars like Mick Jagger, Rod Stewart, Sting, Steven Tyler, James Hetfield, Carlos Santana, Elton John, Paul McCartney and so many more and yes – I’ve seen them all! But the day I saw Kurt Cobain, I totally understood why Courtney’s greatest true love would have been him.

Almost 22 years ago, I decided to travel around the world to take a breather from an imminent divorce that I was anticipating. I hit up Rome first, where I met up with my best friend from Spain – we stayed at what was then considered the best hotel, The Excelsior on Via Veneto. All I wanted to do was revel in living life and forget teething troubles.

I will never fail to recall the morning of March 4 in 1994 when I walked into the lobby to check out of the hotel. I heard earsplitting sirens and a hubbub of chaos spelling mayhem all over. Curious as I was, I asked the front desk what was happening, and to my astonishment, I discovered that Cobain had overdosed on Rohypnol. It all went too fast but what I distinctly remember was his beautiful innocent face covered with strands of his blonde hair, oxygen tanks and a team of paramedics – he looked unresponsive as he was being wheeled out to an ambulance. I don’t remember seeing Courtney Love as I was too fixated on my favorite rock star but today, I can only imagine the pain she was undergoing as her partner was slipping away.

My favorite CD then was Nirvana’s 1991 Nevermind which I listened to non-stop, bomb after bomb; everywhere I went, every breath I took, every sound I heard was related to that album – I don’t remember getting into my car once without listening to Smells Like Teen Spirit which was its first track. Kurt Cobain was undoubtedly my burning rock idol!

I cried when one month after, I heard in the news that he had committed suicide – I remember I was in Honolulu, Hawaii where coincidentally, Cobain and Love had gotten married two years prior to the tragedy. I still frequently think of those horrifying memories because I mourned his death for a long period of time and even to this very day, whenever Kurt Cobain comes to mind, I recall that helpless face reaching out.

When I saw the video of Courtney Love screaming out Creep, I read in her heart how in spite of all conspiracy theories, speculations and buzzes about the tumultuous drug-addled relationship between the two alternative rockers, she truly had feelings for Kurt. With drugs, sex, money, and rock and roll all combined, it’s always a mystery, nevertheless, I once again thought of the excruciating agony she’s been through. I can only express that as she nailed that performance in the exclusive party among Hollywood celebrities, she must have been thinking of that special love in her life!

I can’t see how Kurt could have not been…

#y101fm #alwaysfirst #y101talks #courtneylove #kurtcobain